I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
