I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I just found puke in my bra..
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize