Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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