yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
