Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
