Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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