I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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