69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
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