what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
