Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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