Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize