So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
