I feel like abortions should bother me more
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
