fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
In America we eat man semen.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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