Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Randomize
