under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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