I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
