jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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