she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
