Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
