the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
