I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
