I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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