Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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