I hope my margaritas pass through security.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
