I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
