i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Let's get the cat blown out
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
