You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize