My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
