Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
