There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
