The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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