I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
