so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
