Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
