i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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