During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
