I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
