It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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