Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
