I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
