Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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