So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
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