508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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