we have pet lesbian snakes
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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