And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Randomize
