eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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