Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize
