glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I'm too high and old for this...
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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