I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
