Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I love having hate sex.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
