She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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