was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
