shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I need water and some morals
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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