You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
