Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Randomize
