I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Randomize
