i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Randomize
