No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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