At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
