she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
