is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
