Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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