I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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