So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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