Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
