Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
