i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
