Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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