Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I need water and some morals
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
