btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
