I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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