my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I looked at my own cervix.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
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