I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
