I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
pop tarts are not kleenex
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
