Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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