i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
