i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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